Single In The ’Burbs
It’s a lot like looking for a job, experts say. You probably won’t find your dream job by simply sending out resumes or answering the want ads any more than you’ll meet Mr. or Ms. Right through Match.com or Nerve.com (although it is a hoot to check out those sites). You have to be creative and you have to be proactive. Rather than trolling the bars or scanning the personal columns, the best advice is to get out and do what you enjoy anyway. Odds are good that you’ll eventually meet someone who shares the same interests.
Dr. Edward Petrosky, a member of the Psychology Department at
Merna Popper, the former publisher of Women’s News, is a case in point. Married twice, she is now dating a younger man she met while teaching a writing class at
For those less outgoing than Popper, joining a group or organization may be a better way to meet people in the suburbs. “Joining health clubs, churches, hiking or biking clubs, taking dance lessons as opposed to going to a disco are ways of finding people with similar interests,” says Cynthia Haupt, a psychotherapist in
“The benefit to dating services is that it’s a great way to get out and have a social life without wasting time on inappropriate matches,” says Metzger who notes that her business has tripled over the past 12 years. While she believes that the best way to meet people is through friends and family, she points out that most people today live away from their families and don’t have time to socialize with neighbors. So her service, she says, acts as a surrogate family, pairing up eligible men and women. Has it worked for her? “I can’t date my inventory,” she demurs.
Meeting new people over an excellent meal is the goal of the Single Gourmet, says Nancie Hart, who started the
Roberta Sherman, a member of the Single Gourmet who lives just south of the
Always the City
“For young people, if they’re not into going to bars, it is very hard to meet people,” says Diane Murphy, a psychologist in Katonah. “They come back from college and don’t necessarily want to resort to their high-school friends. Many end up going into the city.”
Elizabeth McSpedon, 27, a teacher from
Newly single people face additional challenges. “When people get divorced and want to meet people, all of a sudden they are thrown back into adolescence,” Haupt says. “All the issues they had back then, come back.” Great, now we get to experience teenage angst without the benefit of youth. Parents in particular have to walk a fine line between meeting their own needs for companionship and their children’s needs. “It’s always going to be a juggling act,” Haupt says.
Media and High-Tech Dating
Personal ads have gained a certain quirky respectability—
Diane Murphy is “amazed at the number of people who make connections on the Internet,” not just through the dating sites, but also through the high-school-reunion sites. “Westchester is such a family-oriented community that it is really hard for divorced or widowed people to get out of that mode, particularly during the first year. This is a safe way for someone new to dating to get in touch with an old high-school or college sweetheart,” she says.
Everyone has heard horror stories of online dating, but surely, given its popularity, it must be worthwhile for some. Kathleen Roldan at Match.com, who has possibly the coolest job title in the world, the Director of Dating, says there are 300,000 singles (oh, and probably a few not so single) in the
Jane (not her real name), 27, an attractive blonde who lives in
There’s one problem though. Some of those “gorgeous” people lie about themselves. One man she met through the site confided that he agreed to meet a young woman without seeing her picture, and it turned out she was more like size 14 (not 4 as she claimed to be). And after five minutes of conversation, she told him she felt comfortable enough with him to tell him her secrets such as “I tried to kill myself at collegeâ€¦twice.” Next!
“I never thought I’d be doing this,” says Julie, 28, also of
Editor’s note: As we went to press, Jane called to tell us she finally met her “100 percent match”—just in time for Valentine’s Day WHERE SINGLES MEET
If hitting the bars was good enough for baby
boomers, it should be good enough for their kids.
Here are some of the hotter spots:
; 683-8888). Two dance rooms: DJs spin hip-hop music in one room, and a mix of tunes in the other. Don’t go on an empty stomach since this place serves primarily beer and bar chow. Open until 4 a.m.; happy hour Fridays from 5-9 p.m. Needless to say this
place attracts a young,
The Thirsty Turtle Bar (
; 993-0505). Definitely a place for people who want to party. Live bands rock the house on Thursdays and Saturdays, DJ spins dance music on Fridays to the wee hours. You always can check out the other bars in the area.
Mar D’s (
Music and Food
Trotters restaurant & lounge (
; 421-5012). You can enjoy a fine Italian meal every day of the week (except Sundays when it’s closed) and listen to cool sounds. The older crowd also enjoys live bands on Fridays and a jazz band on Wednesdays and Saturdays. On Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays after 10 p.m., a DJ appeals to people in their 20s and 30s. Closed Sundays.
The Bayou (
The City at the Ramada Inn (1
Rory Dolan’s (
; 776-2946). In a strip of
lined with Irish pubs, this one features a young and lively crowd. A DJ or band plays disco music on Thursdays and Sundays while there’s traditional Irish music on Mondays. Also recommended are Rockin’ robin’s bar & restaurant (
; 237-0202) and Dooley Mac’s Publick House (
â€º â€º â€º Chains
T.G.I. Friday’s (825 Central Park Avenue, Scarsdale; 722-4088); Bennigan’s (2 Executive Boulevard, Yonkers; 966-1100) These chain restaurants may seem more like family establishments than a singles’ bar, but 20- to 30-something singles still come here to hang out with their friends. With their generous food servings and extensive drink menu, it’s a good place to chill. Oh, and Bennigan’s holds a karaoke night with a DJ every Thursday.
Mighty Joe Young’s (
; 428-6868). You just might catch jungle fever at this gorilla-inspired bar. Order a buffalo or ostrich steak and wash it down with a Funky Monkey Frozen Banana Daiquri. There are no live bands on weekends, but with its tiki bar and extensive list of creatively named cocktails, this place is a chimp, I mean, champ.
The Black Bear Saloon (formerly McFadden’s,
, 422-3270). This place hops, especially during happy hour on Thursdays and Fridays—over 25 corporate crowd.
Tap House CafÃ© (
Hills; 244-8591). Good music here—it’s the kind of place where people get up and start dancing spontaneously.
; 287-0157). Like the Tap House, with a crowd in the upper 20s and 30s.
the Lazy Boy Saloon & ale house (
; 761-0272). A big crowd plus 400 types of beer and pub food.
Novita caffe bar (
; 397-2292). Plush couches where you can lay back and have a drink.
Central Square CafÃ© (
; 472-7828) has a decent scene at the bar on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights.
The Loft Martini Lounge (
; 203-838-6555). The Loft is in the center of SoNo—
Temple Bar (
; 203-708-9000). A genial Irish pub atmosphere with pub grub and live entertainment including Irish folk, jazz and acoustic music.
The regulars call it the “Do Me.” â€˜Nuff said.
—Cynthia Macapagal Covey