Funny Ways to Point Out the Geographical Dominance of Westchester or New York City During Polite Conversation

How to not-so-subtly assert your geographical dominance in polite conversation

We don’t like to admit it, but it happens. Sometimes, our lesser selves get the better of us when we’re talking with friends who live on the other side of the city/suburb divide, and what results can only be described as a “pissing contest.” You know the drill: someone says something that sounds vaguely superior, so your response has to coolly reassert your turf’s supremacy. How can you tell if you’re in a City vs. Westchester cocktail-party showdown? You might hear one of these passive-aggressive rejoinders:

Westchesterite: “You must have a good memory—I’d never remember where I left my car if I had to parallel park in a different spot every night.”
New Yorker: “I saw a fantastic indie film—the one that won all of those awards at that festival. You should see it when they get around to opening it in Westchester.”

Westchesterite: “I heard they just opened a Best Buy near the DSW and TGI Friday’s in Union Square.”
New Yorker: “I envy all the sleep you probably get—it seems impossible to stay out too late where you live.”

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Westchesterite:  “What’s the E.R.B.?”
New Yorker: “I realized I have no idea where I put my screwdriver. When something breaks, I just call the super.”

Westchesterite:  “I bet you don’t even have a gym membership—you must have excellent leg muscles from going into and out of your walk-up.”
New Yorker: “I never worry about drinking too much when I go out—I can always take the subway or grab a cab.”

Westchesterite: “I admit that sometimes I go overboard at Costco, but we can always store the excess in the pantry or the basement—or even the attic if we get desperate.”
New Yorker: “Oh, I forgot you don’t have a Shake Shack yet. We just got our