Wedding trends come and go but, let’s face it: There are some trends that just don’t want to leave and many that, quite frankly, have overstayed their welcome.
As the executive editor of Westchester/Hudson Valley Weddings, I get tons of press releases, pitches, and product samples about weddings throughout the year—some lovely, some fun, and some that are just wrong. Everyone has different tastes, so before I proceed with my list, let me say that, if you are a fan of cutesy trends, you’re probably not going to like this post.
I despise “cutesy.” Don’t get me wrong: I like cute when it’s appropriate — say, at a 2-year-old’s birthday party — but cutesy is something else. The difference between cute and cutesy is the difference between a puppy taking his first wobbly steps and a professionally coiffed French poodle dressed in a skirt and blouse, matching beret, and sporting a French (get it?) manicure. It’s the difference between heartwarming and heartburn. It’s the difference between “aw” and “kill me.”
So, if you’re a bride and/or groom who plan to “say” your vows in mime, decked in white makeup and black unitards while your twin Yorkies (in gown and tux) stand at your side, serving as your maid of honor and best man, you may want to skip the rest of this post. If, on the other hand, you’re all for planning a wedding that suits your personality and your budget, one that takes into account current trends but is not a slave to them, read on. Here are the wedding trends that need to be put out of their misery in 2017:
Are you planning to can peaches or preserves at your wedding? Can you not afford proper glassware? Unless you answered “yes” to one of these questions, it’s time to start saying “no” to Mason jars.
After a little boy in the crowd pointed out that the emperor was wearing no clothes, the emperor realized the boy was right, but was too proud to admit it and stood tall and proud anyway. Don’t make the same mistake, naked cakes. Everybody can see that you’ve got no frosting and, more important, they can taste it, too. Have you no shame? You don’t look good, and you taste… naked. Time to get dressed.
Unless you’re a horse or a cow, or you were raised on a farm and want to pay homage to your childhood home, scratch the big and drafty barn.
Even if you can afford it, it can come off as kind of materialistic and shallow. After all, your ceremony is (or should be) less than an hour long. If you have a $3,000 gown, that’s $5 minute! Why do you need two dresses? You don’t. Choose a gown that is versatile enough to get you from the ceremony to the reception.
Your guests know who you are; that’s why they came to your wedding. Monogrammed favors? De rigueur. Personalized menus? Okay, fine. Signature cocktails? They’re young; they want to see their married names together on something. Monogrammed dance floor? Now that’s over the top.
It’s ugly. It’s scratchy. It’s cheap. And there are millions of homeless potatoes and onions that are in need of proper housing.
You’re introduced formally for the first time as a married couple, and you make your grand entrance at the reception. The bride sashays in, hips swinging side to side, bouquet held over her head, lips pursed in a mock ducky face. The groom prances next to her, holding her hand, the other hand held high in a “whoop-whoop” show of conquest. Everyone cheers and applauds, but, if every guest had a visible thought bubble, their contents would range from “Oh, please” to “I give it a year.” Be happy, be proud… but show some grace and modesty.
It’s your wedding, not a first-grade classroom from the 1970s. Chalk is dusty, and handwritten, curly-cued script messages are corny, contrived — and cutesy.
Toward the end of the pastel-and-lacquer-drenched ‘80s, the “shabby chic” aesthetic — combining hardy country or rustic elements, like farm tables and blocky wood furniture, with delicate and feminine fabrics and accents, like lace and crystal chandeliers — emerged in England. By the late ‘90s, it was everywhere. Sometime in the aughts, it became really popular in weddings, and has maintained an unrelenting chokehold ever since. Let’s call it a day, shall we?
The boho chic look had a few false starts in the ‘90s, then caught on, died out, came back, died out. First it was fashion, then home décor, then fashion again, then wedding fashion, then wedding décor. There is something alluring about an innocent-looking waif-like bride in a simple white dress, barefoot in a field with a garland of flowers in her hair. It’s the juxtaposition of the bohemian bride and the $60,000 reception that’s just become a bit hard to stomach.
It’s just too in-your-face and predictable to ever seem genuine: Once you’ve been to one big ol’ empty warehouse wedding, you’ve been to them all.
Do I really need to elaborate on this?
Think of a cat clawing its way through the second half of its ninth life…
The pendulum can only swing so far in one direction before it heads back the other way. Ostentation is never good, no matter what Kim says.
How can I say this gently? I can’t. Bars are for booze. Stations are for trains. The occasional candy bar or pie bar is fine, but enough with the cigar bars, grilled-cheese stations, mashed-potato stations, Belgian waffle stations, and cereal bars.
Happy New Year, everyone!