On any given day, there’s a working mom waking up somewhere in Westchester. She’ll spend the morning negotiating with stubborn stakeholders, navigating deadlines within multiple competing schedules, and delegating tasks on her to-do list while also directly engaging in substantive analysis. This mother’s afternoon includes calculating budgets, adjusting spreadsheets, and creating meaningful qualitative narratives for diverse audiences. Her day is full of conference calls or Zoom meetings and various modes of transportation to in-person gatherings. If she’s lucky, her evening includes some moments for self-care in addition to conversation with and hugs from her family.
This mother may be a corporate professional, perhaps a finance expert who advises her clients on making sound decisions, or a marketing consultant who designs targeted initiatives for global institutions. Or perhaps she works in retail or in a restaurant, in a job that suits her customer service and sales strengths. Maybe this mom is a health care provider or an educator, who alternates offering compassionate direct services to individuals with writing and reviewing extensive paperwork. She could be a banker or a baker or both; an attorney, or an artist, or anything, really. In fact, she could be a mother who is planning a schoolwide social event in honor of the teachers, or who is managing domestic duties like feeding the family and getting the laundry done, or who is arranging carpools and classes for her children — a mother who doesn’t work for pay but who certainly works.
This working mom in Westchester could be any of the above, at any time. She could be all of the above. All moms are “full-time moms” even if they also work for pay in another role. All moms work.
And to make it work, the working moms of Westchester need each other, and more.
Why “Working Moms”?
We tend to still use the label “working mom” for mothers whose work earns income because of social norms that are based on outdated gendered expectations but are still, generally, very present. When I had my first child in 2016, I fielded numerous questions from friends, family, and even strangers about whether I would return to work after my (hard-fought) parental leave period. My husband was never approached with such questions, because it was expected he would continue his career. It’s now 2024, and as a social worker specializing in maternal mental health, I see the impact these assumptions have on the women I work with, women who are presumed to be the default parent no matter their income status or professional preferences.
The rising costs of daily life and the current cultural expectations of children to be busy, well-rounded, and extremely supervised make it feel necessary to have both a sustainable household income and an omnipresent caretaker. A teacher mom in South Salem anonymously summarized: “I work for income as my family depends on it and because I like my job. Plus, it’s hard to survive in Westchester on one income now — not only for the housing and food costs, but also for preschool, camp, and outings (zoo, aquarium, etc.).”
We know from research and lived experiences that while dads these days are more hands-on than in prior generations, it is still the mother who bears the mental load of caregiving and the “mom guilt” when she can’t. So, while integrating career and children can be challenging for any caregiver (whether they are single, in an LGBTQ partnership, part of a dual-income couple, or any kind of household) women still tend to face particular struggles as working moms. That can feel very isolating and exhausting — and needs to change.
“I work for income as my family depends on it and because I like my job. Plus, it’s hard to survive in Westchester on one income.”
—Mom in South Salem
Where are the working moms of Westchester?
They are everywhere, of course. Mothers who work for pay in Westchester do so full-time, part-time, in corporate roles, as freelancers, or for themselves. They may travel to Manhattan or to other parts of the county to work, or they may work remotely. They work because they need the income, because they feel it’s important to have financial independence, because work helps them feel fulfilled, because not working is not the lifestyle for them, because they wanted something to occupy their energy as their children grew, or myriad other reasons.
However, there remains a perception that many moms here don’t work, because they have taken a step back from their professional ambitions or find it too difficult to “do it all.” I often hear apprehension about fitting in as a working mom in Westchester. Many moms worry about missing opportunities to make connections at gatherings like school drop-offs or being misunderstood when they aren’t available for certain activities for themselves or their kids due to work obligations. They also worry about not being able to climb their career ladder because of the motherhood penalty, in which they are viewed as uncommitted to their job for wanting to be able to do things like sometimes pick their kids up from school.
But to those who question whether working moms can make it work in Westchester, I say: Yes, we can! Come join us.
“I often get asked by potential clients if there are working moms in the suburbs,” says Randi Culang, a licensed real estate salesperson at Compass who covers lower Westchester. “I’m happy that the answer is ‘Absolutely!’” In the 13 years she’s been a local real estate expert, most of her clients have been dual-working parents, including mothers in a wide range of careers. Some commute and some work locally.
Like anything else, commuting for work has its pros and cons. Alex Lieberman, for example, is a mom of two who takes the train between Hartsdale and Grand Central Terminal five days a week to work as the co-owner of French Corner, a contemporary women’s boutique in Midtown Manhattan. “It’s funny how many people ask if I could cut back or work from home. But that isn’t really my interest. I’m a mom who is fully committed to my career and loves to work — and who also wants to be very involved in my kids’ lives,” she says. “Things that help include having amazing child care, practicing patience with myself, and building a network of other moms who relate.”
Rachel Gottlieb, a Scarsdale mom of two and a private wealth manager who works as a managing director at UBS, likewise values connecting with similarly situated women. She uses her four-days-a-week Metro-North rides to and from Manhattan to do so. “I love having the mindset that my commute is time to decompress, catch up on emails, and see friends I’ve met on the train.”
Many Westchester moms prefer to work locally. Wendy Hufford, a Rye mother of eight who has always worked full-time and is an experienced general counsel and board member, intentionally chose jobs closer to home (in Stamford or White Plains) when her children were young. “As my children got older and some left for college, I was comfortable with longer commutes, even to different states,” she says. Hufford and her husband, who also works as a lawyer, and an au pair shared tasks related to events, which were maintained on a “very organized” master schedule.
Some Westchester moms have been working locally before “WFH” was an acronym. Stacey Cohen, a mother of two and the founder of Co-Communications, a full-service public relations and marketing agency, left a corporate role involving extensive travel to start her business out of a spare room in her home in Chappaqua in 1997. “We expanded rapidly, and though I moved into a nearby office within a year, I remained active in playgroups and attended every school play, which was important to me,” she says.
To achieve autonomy, many women in Westchester have embarked on career shifts while raising young children, often establishing their own businesses. I am one of them; I left corporate law firm life to establish my own therapy and coaching practice providing support to other women. My friend Lauren Medalie of Edgemont is another. “During the pandemic, I decided to open my own company instead of staying in my full-time role based in NYC so my family would need less paid child care and I’d have more flexibility to be with my two kids,” says Medalie, the CEO and founder of Do Some Good, a communications firm specializing in partnerships between nonprofits, brands, and individuals.
Like in the rest of the U.S., self-employment among women in Westchester County has risen over the last few years, says lawyer and mother of three, Kym Robinson, who grew up in Westchester (and whose own mother worked). Robinson now provides legal services related to business formation and compliance, contracts, employment, and trademarks to entrepreneurs throughout the area. “Most of my clients are mothers, including single moms, in service-based industries. They are motivated to be self-employed in order to pursue their passions on their own schedules,” she says.
Dara Astmann, a career clarity coach and Larchmont mom of two, concurs: “Whether it’s because of a move, or kids’ schedules changing, or any other reason, I see many women re-evaluating where they are in their careers and where they want to be.” She and I both help women, including those who want or need to stay in more traditional corporate roles, assert their needs by establishing boundaries and setting intentional goals for this chapter of life.
What do working moms want?
Fortunately, it has become increasingly common for companies to offer benefits that help make the lives of employees who are parents easier. For example, Morgan Stanley, a leading financial services institute with a large branch in Purchase, offers comprehensive medical services for employees and their families, on-site lactation rooms and other wellness and lifestyle resources, and a global Family Employee Network to provide support, resources, education, and networking opportunities for working parents, families, and caregivers.
In addition to such benefits, many studies show that flexibility is a top priority for employees, and we consistently see this reflected in real life, as alluded to above. Katherin Crossling, a mom of three and a partner at Heidell, Pittoni Murphy & Bach, LLP, in White Plains, says she left a government job when her eldest child was very young because it did not allow for any kind of flexibility (e.g., she was required to take a full vacation day to come in late following a pediatrician appointment). The law firm, where she has been working for more than 13 years, has been “much more flexible and accommodating to the unexpected interruptions of parenting,” she says. Similarly, Josefa Paganuzzi, a publicist and mother who grew up in Eastchester and now lives in Crestwood, says: “During COVID, working parents proved what an asset they could be even while not in the office. Employers saw they can gain productivity and loyalty by allowing flexibility.”
It’s not just workplaces that must adapt to help working moms thrive, but also systems like school districts. A frequent complaint is that school events are in the middle of the day and parents are given very little notice to be able to arrange to attend. In general, moms are still presumed to always be available for their kids, not preoccupied with their professions. “When my family moved to the Sound Shore area of Westchester in the ’90s, it felt like the system was set up for a stay-at-home parent,” recalls Maura Carlin, a mother of three, a former lawyer, and a journalist who co-hosts and produces “The Balance Dilemma” podcast, which addresses the struggle to juggle work, family, and self. She concedes that today, it may be better in terms of schools providing longer hours, transportation, and lunch options, but, she adds, economic and anecdotal data confirm: “Moms are still getting the calls first, even when schools have the contact information for both parents.”
As a culture, we need to adjust our expectations of women and mothers, including how we talk about them. We should use language like “Class Grown-Up” instead of “Class Mom” for volunteers. We should not assume that moms will be the ones arranging the kids’ activities or answering the call from the school nurse. It’s unfair to both parents (to all caregivers) and to the kids who are watching.
As one Mamaroneck mom who works as a software engineer anonymously told me, “It’s frustrating that it’s ‘obvious’ that dads are working and nobody asks them if they work to feel fulfilled, like it’s a cute side project in addition to maintaining the house.” And of course, women are still facing the gender pay gap and other biases in the workplace. “I do think women feel they have to prove they’re available when working from home more than men do. No one questions or bothers men when they’re working remotely,” says Paganuzzi.
It’s past time to shift the narrative about working mothers. Men and others who do not identify as working mothers must be their allies. Crossling, for example, appreciates that her husband, a finance professional, collaborates with her to alternate busy times at work so one parent is present for their three boys. “I want my sons to have a strong female role model directly contributing to the family in many ways, and to see a father who supports this,” she says. Their thoughtful communication approach allows her to be active even beyond her roles as a mother and a professional, contributing to leadership positions for her firm’s mentor program and the Ossining Board of Education. Jolanda Syku, a hairstylist professional of nearly three decades who raised three kids in Ardsley and now owns Dua Hair Studio in Scarsdale, highlights the importance of a supportive family. “My (now adult) children and my spouse have always encouraged my career and, in fact, helped me establish my business,” she says.
Mama, work it — together
A supportive workplace and a supportive home life are incredibly important to working moms’ success. But perhaps most of all, working moms in Westchester (and everywhere) need a supportive community. “I chose to live here because I knew my friends would treat my kids like their own,” shares Margo Gannes, who moved to Westchester with her twin sons last year and who continues to commute throughout New York City for her work as a lawyer at Gannes & Musico, LLP, defending against traffic violations and criminal charges.
Jill Spielberg, an only parent to two children and the partner-in-charge of the Family and Matrimonial department in the White Plains office of Abrams Fensterman, LLP, says: “No one person can do everything. I rely on the amazing village around me — babysitters, extended family, and other parents — to be my emergency contacts, carpool drivers, and eyes and ears about sign-up deadlines.” She grew up in Westchester with a mother who commuted to Brooklyn for work, about whom she says: “My mom constantly talks about my accomplishments to my boys and reminds them it’s OK I’m not at every school event because I have to — and I want to — be at my job.”
“During COVID, working parents proved what an asset they could be even while not in the office. they can gain productivity and loyalty by allowing flexibility.”
—Josefa Paganuzzi, a publicist and mother
Betina Mele, a Yorktown mother of two who owns the domestic employee agency Caring Connections, also believes that moms deserve support in various forms. “Working parents need people in their lives they can trust, who are reliable and adaptable. That can be a very parttime housekeeper, a full-time family assistant or nanny, or other working moms who are part of your network.”
Indeed, other mothers are pivotal. Mele, Syku, and Paganuzzi are among the many who have several other working mother (and working grandmother) colleagues. “We all help each other; we’re flexible for each other,” Spielberg says. “Other moms help working moms succeed by making connections to build their business or helping with their kids,” Medalie adds. “My business would never have grown as quickly as it has without the support of other working moms in my community,” affirms Abby Spivak, who launched Happy Place Creative Studio in 2023 after many years in corporate fashion marketing. She now teaches art classes, leads workshops, and hosts crafting birthday parties and events throughout Westchester County for kids and moms alike.
Cohen, whose business was launched with the help of a mom friend with bookkeeping expertise, emphasizes the need for strong networks, personally and professionally. “Many of my friends worked, and we all supported each other by sharing resources for everything,” says Cohen. “We were always willing to step in and help each other.” She has continued to contribute to her communities by actively serving with the Business Council of Westchester and the Westchester Association of Women Business Owners, as she firmly believes in “surrounding yourself with people you can learn from and serving as a mentor to others.”
Carlin agrees: “Find mentors, sponsors, and allies — and be those for others … We learn and benefit from sharing experiences. And you never know where it will take you — so don’t be afraid of self-promotion and networking.” Hufford also appreciates networking: “My town’s professional moms’ and women’s legal groups have served as mutual support networks, where I made local friends dealing with the same work-life challenges as I do.” Stephanie Falk, a mother of three from Edgemont who co-founded a meditation studio, Pause to be Present, with Larchmont mother of three Cheryl Brause, underscores the value of shared experiences: “We have been successful in creating a space where like-minded women gather and connect to share, breathe, and learn from each other — reflecting the high value of community among our clients.”
Connecting may be more accessible than ever for Westchester County moms. Astmann, Culang, Robinson, and others frequently collaborate with several other women from different professions and various towns on local networking events. Marcy Berman-Goldstein, a mom of three who is the Scarsdale Business Alliance president and a co-founder of I Am More women’s boutique, says, “Networking events for working moms are crucial. We share experiences and resources, and encourage and empower each other.” Robinson, who regularly hosts speed-networking events with New Rochelle mom and pediatric physical therapist Dr. Elina Skripochnik, says: “It’s incredible to see moms connect and collaborate. Women must support each other.”
You may know (or be) a mom in Westchester who has been working for the same employer for years, or who has recently started her own company, or whose work involves taking care of others’ children. You may be a mom who is eager to become an entrepreneur, embark on a career pivot, or get back into paid work altogether. I want all Westchester County moms to know that your work matters. And you have the support of your community. Together, we will help each other succeed.
Lauren A. Tetenbaum, LCSW, JD, PMH-C, is a Scarsdale-based working mother and social worker whose counseling practice specializes in life transitions affecting millennials and young women. She is a therapist certified in perinatal mental health, a former lawyer forever passionate about gender equity advocacy, and a writer. Her first book, about preparing millennials for menopause, will be released in 2025. Learn more at TheCounseLaur.com.
